My thoughts on gay marriage and to those who could always marry:

By William Zimmermann

Your weddings are hard upon them yet they wish you very happy wedding days. But that really doesn't matter at all. Weddings don't matter. Marriages matter. But it is the weddings, the moments where your lives are transformed into lifetimes of commitment for better or for worse that leaves gay men and women out in the cold. It is the absence of sanctity, approval and the joyous celebration of that commitment that pains them deeply. They live in houses with many rooms but for the disenfranchised they are sorely empty. They wait silently beside the fireplace hoping and yearning that the flames of community will spark. But they do not and with no comfort from family, church and society they sit alone in cold and empty rooms. Praying for love and acceptance while not having a clue how to navigate them confronts them head on. They break. They stumble around the planet alone and without partners and without genuine companionship. It is a lonely numb and biter life especially for the sexually exclusive or monogamous men and women who do not fit in with those who have sold out to the renegade and uncontrolled sexual inferno that consumes genuine love for the majority of potentially same sex couples. The best they can do is to become numb and wade through endless sexual encounters or simply become celibate. I have met them all and of them I have known few who survived to navigate love.

The sad truth in my experience is when love bade me welcome I forgot to invite it in. When love was begging to be made strong I caved or I looked the other way. I had no training. I was young neglected undereducated ill-mentored inexperienced and very foolish when love came to my door. I can make excuses for youth and inexperience even for the lack of wisdom. But there is no excuse for those who failed me. I have come to know, after all these years that I came from very unwise and imperfect people. I have paid the price for the systemic arrogance and yet I have lived long enough to confront it. But it is too late? I am alone.

The Break

Love bade me welcome, yet my soul drew back,
Guilty of lust and sin.
But quick-ey'd Love, observing me grow slack
From my first entrance in,
Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning
If I lack'd anything.

"A guest," I answer'd, "worthy to be here";
Love said, "You shall be he."
"I, the unkind, the ungrateful? ah my dear,
I cannot look on thee."
Love took my hand and smiling did reply,
"Who made the eyes but I?"

"Truth, Lord, but I have marr'd them; let my shame
Go where it doth deserve."
"And know you not," says Love, "who bore the blame?"
"My dear, then I will serve."
"You must sit down," says Love, "and taste my meat."
So I did sit but shame forbade me to eat.



From the Bible: Song of Songs 8:6 and 7

Set me as a seal upon your heart,
As a seal upon your arm;
For love is as strong as death,
Jealousy as cruel as the grave;
Its flames are flames of fire,
A most vehement flame.

Many waters cannot quench love,
Nor can the floods drown it.
If a man would give for love
All the wealth of his house,
It would be utterly despised.


Love strong as death. Yet anything stronger than the grip of death could only be love. It wields power over our lives and imagines infinite possibility.

Grow your love. Nurture it. Don't let it falter. For if love is healthy, it is stronger than death itself. I have used a term sometimes when talking about these things. "Deliberate desire." Lust can be a impetuous, but can be controlled by the investment you place in love. Women are the instigators of this. Men are servants. There is no more to tell... but the "third sex" understands both, and that is what makes them masters. How could they be so terribly disrespected? We can only blame our culture, for the Aboriginal tribes throughout thousands of years knew this third sex. As normal and healthy as any and as loved and cherished as all those who found love.

Live in love, act in love, commit to your partner, for in his or her eyes you will see the fuel fire of a sustainable happy marriage. And until you see the small glimmer of your love in everyone try to hold on and walk your walk with the strength of your own self that sustains you... and be the exception.