I understand that you're not feeling exactly on top of the world. There is a lot you can do to get to sleep. Certain types of music depending on your mood (very important) can put you to sleep. Pandora has a channel called "Nature (wilderness)" that might help you sleep when mantra meditation is uncomfortable or doesn't feel right on days when it does not suit your mood.
Also I want you to know that I did not touch pharmaceuticals from 1982 to 2009. That's 27 years. I regret it. Stupidity can reign supreme when we commit to an ideology of fear. Mine being that I would NEVER addict to substance like my parents. But to addict to any idea is exactly the same thing. Xanax brought me through the last six months of the Gerson Therapy when I was freaking out with boredom, drone like robotic days of sameness and the alone-ness of practice and cleansing. I forgot what fun was, I simply existed. I tried to share it with the Gerson Institute but they did not give a shit except to offer to hook me up with past survivors who had more damage to their personalities that I ever suspected. When I ordered Xanax I also ordered Valium and tested them both. I found they helped me remember what letting go of rigidity was. I started to meditate again on days when I was not medicated and that led to more alertness, awareness and knowledge of what I was doing and ever lessening of the use of the drugs. And I still was not doing enough.
When you said you were tougher than me I sat back and observed your words from a fifth dimension of understanding and empathy. Then I understood it was something you needed to hear. You feel you need strength. But being strong is not always a show of endurance brute strength or commitment to an idea to success or to our business. Sometimes it is knowing when to let go of the very things we hold in the highest esteem. Ideologies and our culture attach rogue concepts to our egos and we find ourselves dragging ourselves and others through their crap as we cling to material fetishes ego and the need to be right by making others wrong. Funny how we cling to them when we label them traditions, habits and cultural norms when all they are is neurological pathways that are deeply revered and celebrated as reality itself. But sometimes they become dated, wrong or simply have been replaced with things or ideas that do work. And we avoid the very things that can bring us above board and breath freely once again. But we relentlessly hold on to them. That's what hurt me so many times. I was fooling myself until one day I realized I had to get smart and break my own rules.
If it is of any value to you my intuition tells me that there is a part of you that needs to come up for air. I would never presume to guess what it is or where it is in your psyche, but there is something sticking to you like glue. And if it is of any consequence observing it in you helps me see what sticks to me like glue as well. And, while it's not pretty I am tough enough and smart enough to look at it and stare it down until it evaporates into the illusion that it really is. And then I sleep better.
Sleep well my friend. You deserve every break you can give yourself.