Friday, July 31, 2009

July 31st 2009

The elegance afforded by a simple vegetable garden this summer has been a great blessing. There is something about the process of life as we witness it in the growth spurts of plants that feed us delicious food. Encouraging life is a lovely elegant and very positive human pursuit. I guess that is why farmers are happy even when they are poor. I bring life and sustainability to my world in ways few people on the planet do. I recycle, save water, compost and limit waste to a greater degree than most of my contemporaries but without suffering or feeling lack. I indulge myself in a hot tub and a few luxuries but I do not deliberately off-gas bad things into the environment. I think I am doing a pretty good job while providing about 1/20th of my food grown right here at home. I am so lucky to have this house. Being a home body type person it means more to me than the home means to many single men or women. So I get an extra big kick out of the space the large yard and yet the city is only three minutes away. Not bad for a guy with my IQ and SAT scores.

A lovely feeling comes over me when I think about some of the people in my life. I know they are far from perfect and yet some of them really shine. Some of them are massively disappointing and some of them can not see their nose in front of their face, the forest for the trees or the writing on the wall.

I have my challenges too. Depression dragging my days into the LaBrea Tar Pits I feel like a Woolly Mammoth! Drag my ass out the pit up into the light only to be pulled down by the dark forces of despair illusion and self indulgence. But sometimes I escape the gravity of it all and I can see the world from a nice light elegant place where I can view my accomplishments, joys pain and challenges - and from this place, from this point of view it does not appear to be so hard... and I am reminded of my power. But then the forces grab my ankles again and drag me under. Sometimes I wonder if I need anti-depressant drugs again. I never really can tell.

Therapy with Liz Baxter appears to serve only to remind me of the pain thus increasing it by recognizing it and refreshing the ideas behind it. I am almost certain to change therapists for a more future oriented therapy type. This no mans land between Freud and New Age therapy is not good.

Exhausted now as it is very late. I will Twitter the highlights and head to bed.

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