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Sunday, May 17, 2015
If you don't have most of these things you do not have a relationship
Relationships are all about feelings. One morning, you’re up; by night, you’re down… but by “down,” I don’t mean in the dumps. I mean down to the core of your existence, experiencing new levels of emotion and pain.
Those who say relationships are all moments of bliss and euphoria aren’t wrong; they’re just forgetting a lot.
Because good relationships have those negative feelings as much as they have positive ones. Only, the negative ones aren’t negative in the way you’ve experienced them before.
You feel them in a completely new way. You feel sad, but it’s sorrow that comes from deep yearning.
You feel scared, but for the first time, it’s a fear that comes when you’re completely and utterly dependent on someone else.
You feel blind, but you can see perfectly. You feel empty — because for the first time, you’re giving so much away.
These negative feelings aren’t talked about often because, without context, they sound off-putting. But the best relationships are the ones that are making you feel all the time.
You’re constantly learning not just about each other, but about yourself: how much love you can have for someone, how much love you have for yourself and how much it can f*cking hurt to be in love.
Because love isn’t just happy; it’s painful, terrifying and a little nasty.
But you signed up for all of it – not just the good. You signed up for the roller coaster because you’d rather be feeling an array of things than nothing.
You’d rather be scared sh*tless, about to plummet to the ground than be standing on the side. You’d rather be riding the ups and downs than not be on the ride at all.
1. It should make you feel… nervous
Whether it’s jitters, butterflies or that sick feeling in your stomach when your partner hasn’t called in a few days.
Just because you’re comfortable doesn’t mean you don’t turn into a nervous wreck at the sight of one missed call (or no calls).
2. It should make you feel… sad
Sad for your partner, sad for what you said, sad for that time you were cruel. Sorrow and pain are part of the relationship – as crucial as bliss and euphoria.
You can’t enjoy the highs unless you’ve experienced the lows. Tears aren’t for the end of the relationship, but to water the seeds you’re planting together.
3. It should make you feel… uncomfortable
Exposing yourself should be uncomfortable, however, that uncomfortable moment is quickly replaced with relief, as you watch your partner accept your worst self and all those things you thought you could never show anyone.
It takes being uncomfortable to appreciate when you have no reason to be.
4. It should make you feel… angry
Honest relationships come with honest fights. Arguments, heated discussions and fits of rage are inescapable side effects of passion.
The fights, however, are never empty. They are full of purpose and weight. Healthy couples don’t fight for drama or attention but for a resolution.
5. It should make you feel… tired
Tired from staying up all night. Tired from spending the day learning about each other — digging into one another’s core.
Tired from giving everything you have to this one person you’d give anything to.
6. It should make you feel… uneasy
With respect and adoration comes slight neuroticism. You can’t love someone and not fear him or her at the same time because of the power he or she holds over you — because this one person has the ability to throw your heart back in your face, to drop you from the highest high you’ve ever been.
7. It should make you feel… ugly
The ugliest couples are the most beautiful. To feel unattractive, to knowingly expose your most raw self to someone, is beautiful.
Those who can show themselves at their worst moments, sit there with their mask off and true colors spread have achieved a level of comfort that only comes with bearing the ugly.
8. It should make you feel… frustrated
When he or she doesn’t text you for an hour, when you miss him or her and can’t do anything about it, when you wish he or she were experiencing everything with you.
Frustration doesn’t have to be about your partner, but about not being with him or her. If you’re not frustrated with the one you love, you’re not really loving him or her.
9. It should make you feel… naïve
A relationship isn’t about having it right, but realizing you can be wrong. It’s about learning, growing and understanding you don’t know everything.
It’s about everything you have to teach and, more so, learn from your partner. But the two of you can explore the world together, letting the lessons and experiences bring you even closer.
10. It should make you feel… vulnerable
You’re exposed, raw and in the line of fire. You have given your partner your heart and hope he or she doesn’t drop it.
You have given him or her more than you thought you had to give and hope the one you love doesn’t throw it back in your face.
As good of friends as you are, you know there’s a chance you could become enemies.
This vulnerability may shed through time, but it’s always there in the back of your mind. You can’t truly love someone without fearing him or her.