Sunday, January 24, 2010

Note to self: Down Times - No wonder I'm depressed.

I'm feeling totally mental tonight. Tired depressed and despondent and watching The 40 Year Old Virgin on the DVR. I'm 54. Not a virgin but lonely. I don't know how I am going to deal with old age. I watch my friends age. I see them begin to fall apart. And it makes me sad. I can't think or move much tonight. I did have sushi earlier. And now I'm really depressed. I do feel full and happy in my stomach but I am crashing emotionally. I starved myself today because I was too lazy to make food and I traveled to pick up a computer for warranty work. I have not had a date in years and I can not remember the last time I had sex. Not that it matters that much.

I took a Xanax after dinner so I'm tired and sleepy as well as depressed. My only friend used to be food and now food sucks. My whole life seems to be this exercise in stupid habits and the money is running out and I am scared. No wonder I do not take concern with Haiti or the fund raisers. I got enough problems. I am not John Cena and I'll never be anybody but me. Sometimes I think about suicide, but it is not something I will seriously consider unless my life turns to shit to an extreme degree. For now things are okay... just tonight sucks. I guess I should go to bed early and hope for a better day tomorrow. This is why I am disabled. Functioning poorly and feeling like hell tonight. But there is always tomorrow.

Hang in there buddy.

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