Thursday, January 29, 2009

The Truth About Solitude

I have been thinking a lot about balance lately. Balance of work, balance of choices, balance in personal discipline. When you live alone there is no one to tell you what to do or to pressure you to be someone or do something you may not want to do or that may be actually good for you. It is a solitary world with only the echo of your own voice inside your head to answer to. I know this voice well and sometimes it becomes deafening. Not really. And I am glad mine doesn't! Generally I get away with doing as I please. I have learned to balance income with liesure, rest with work, sacrifice with taking. It's all in balance yet the voices of the outside world are at bay. They are not welcome here as much as I might need them they are banished, for they are unreliable historically and are not to be trusted. The "voices" of course are the people I might have let in but did not. Which four letter word do you with to pick? I can't deal with outside influences. People rattling on about what I should or should not do as if I do not know. Most people are so vain they do not even know I exist let alone have a life or make interesting moves. Most people that I know are so self involved that they can't see the subtleties of my life. And that is fine but their words bounce off my world like rubber balls, mostly because they really have nothing to say that adds value to my world. It's all about them, their struggle, their challenges and their pain. I have one or two friends that force themselves to listen occasionally, and that's cool. But for now I am happy with no voices. No criticism and no pedantic behaviors to annoy jostle and pollute my daily routine. It's lovely actually. I love being alone. Send in the clowns. Nah, why bother?

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