Shields up!
When someone has walls up, it’s always for a reason, but the possibilities for that reason are endless.
Perhaps you are cynical since so far, everyone you date seems to be the same — disconnected, unremarkable and incapable of making a lasting impression. Maybe you suffer from generalized anxiety and, therefore, find it difficult to enjoy the moment.
It could be you've dealt with so much rejection that the opposite concept (someone choosing you) is nothing but a figment of your imagination. It may be you're so used to being disappointed that when you finally meet someone different, you doubt he or she is for real.
But, what if your dream person was for real, and not believing in his or her authenticity was a big mistake?
The problem with walls is they don't just keep others out, but also keep you locked inside your very own metaphorical prison. Unfortunately, some people just aren't willing to try to get in and free you if it seems like a lost cause.
Someone would need to have a special connection with you in order to break down your emotional walls. That being said, it takes a lot more than just that. This person must be intuitive, have perseverance, and he or she has to care enough to want to, or need to, break your walls.
You may think the only person who can break your walls is you, but what if someone else could?
Let’s fantasize that one day, you meet someone different — someone special who possesses those rare qualities required to free you from your metaphorical prison cell, crush your cynicism and liberate you.
What if you meet someone who isn’t too good to be true, but rather, just true and, therefore, has the extraordinary ability to really touch you. When that person comes along, make sure you recognize who he or she is.
Here are five signs someone cares enough to break down your walls:
1. He or she forces you to be in the moment
Many people who have their guards up, or are closed off from others, often go through the motions rather than feeling emotions.
They cruise through life without anything imprinting. They go through their days on autopilot, and though their bodies might be there, they are not really present.
People who care about you will notice when you are not engaged in the moment. They will notice your lack of eye contact and they will notice when you fail to laugh at one of their jokes because you weren't really listening.
It takes a special type of person to be able to force you to be in the moment. How this person accomplishes this varies and is discovered through trial and error of what works and what doesn’t.
Maybe he or she brings you back with a really passionate kiss, a walk in the park or a taste of salted caramel ice cream.
2. He or she knows to make all the first moves
If someone realizes you're more likely to shut him or her out than to let him or her in, this person will understand that he or she needs to take all of the initiative, especially in the beginning, to earn your trust.
He or she will have to take the lead on planning dates, text you first, call you first and lay all the cards out on the table first. If this person doesn’t put effort in, he or she does not stand a chance.
If things go well and your relationship organically progresses, this person also knows that it’s up to him or her to keep the momentum going.
3. He or she is patient
As much as it hurts the person you are dating when you do not fully let him or her in, he or she knows how amazing it will feel when you do finally let your guard down. He or she will be willing to be patient in order for that pivotal shift to happen.
Some people know that sometimes, a new love can heal old pain. It just takes time to build credibility so that you are no longer skeptical of what this is or of who he or she is.
Think of it as a car window on a cold winter’s day. You can’t drive the car until you give the windows time to defrost, but you can see the windows defrosting, so you know you’re getting somewhere eventually.
That’s how it feels to fall for someone who has emotional walls up. But, it’s worth the wait because once the person can drive that car, you guys can go anywhere together.
4. He or she is determined
He or she cares enough to be determined because it’s easier to give up and walk away than it is to stick around in hopes of eventually being let in.
In a world where everyone is accustomed to instant gratification, it takes a special kind of person to want to invest in someone who won’t immediately offer what the person wants out of a relationship.
In the beginning, if you are not all in and your partner can sense it, what is it that motivating him or her to stay? We can attribute a person’s motivation to stay to the chemistry and connection someone feels with you.
Those are the two most amazing motivational factors when it comes to a new relationship because they are so rare to find.
5. He or she is intuitive
It is rare to meet the type of person who has the ability to understand you without any offered explanations from you.
He or she has an uncanny intelligence when it comes to figuring you out. When you’re uncomfortable or anxious, he or she knows and can also tell when you’re genuinely happy. He or she gives a whole new meaning to “reading between the lines.”
Their intuitiveness contributes to his or her willingness to put more effort in with you. He or she might take notice of what types of situations seem to relax you and will remember what puts you in a good mood.
That way, when his or her intuition communicates that something seems off, it’s a signal to attempt to help. If someone gets you like that, he or she is surely a keeper.
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