My new video. This is a play-list on YouTube. My first instructional video: How to make Tomato Sauce from home grown vegetables and herbs.
Here is the link to the play list. Enjoy!
Friday, July 31, 2009
July 31st 2009
The elegance afforded by a simple vegetable garden this summer has been a great blessing. There is something about the process of life as we witness it in the growth spurts of plants that feed us delicious food. Encouraging life is a lovely elegant and very positive human pursuit. I guess that is why farmers are happy even when they are poor. I bring life and sustainability to my world in ways few people on the planet do. I recycle, save water, compost and limit waste to a greater degree than most of my contemporaries but without suffering or feeling lack. I indulge myself in a hot tub and a few luxuries but I do not deliberately off-gas bad things into the environment. I think I am doing a pretty good job while providing about 1/20th of my food grown right here at home. I am so lucky to have this house. Being a home body type person it means more to me than the home means to many single men or women. So I get an extra big kick out of the space the large yard and yet the city is only three minutes away. Not bad for a guy with my IQ and SAT scores.
A lovely feeling comes over me when I think about some of the people in my life. I know they are far from perfect and yet some of them really shine. Some of them are massively disappointing and some of them can not see their nose in front of their face, the forest for the trees or the writing on the wall.
I have my challenges too. Depression dragging my days into the LaBrea Tar Pits I feel like a Woolly Mammoth! Drag my ass out the pit up into the light only to be pulled down by the dark forces of despair illusion and self indulgence. But sometimes I escape the gravity of it all and I can see the world from a nice light elegant place where I can view my accomplishments, joys pain and challenges - and from this place, from this point of view it does not appear to be so hard... and I am reminded of my power. But then the forces grab my ankles again and drag me under. Sometimes I wonder if I need anti-depressant drugs again. I never really can tell.
Therapy with Liz Baxter appears to serve only to remind me of the pain thus increasing it by recognizing it and refreshing the ideas behind it. I am almost certain to change therapists for a more future oriented therapy type. This no mans land between Freud and New Age therapy is not good.
Exhausted now as it is very late. I will Twitter the highlights and head to bed.
A lovely feeling comes over me when I think about some of the people in my life. I know they are far from perfect and yet some of them really shine. Some of them are massively disappointing and some of them can not see their nose in front of their face, the forest for the trees or the writing on the wall.
I have my challenges too. Depression dragging my days into the LaBrea Tar Pits I feel like a Woolly Mammoth! Drag my ass out the pit up into the light only to be pulled down by the dark forces of despair illusion and self indulgence. But sometimes I escape the gravity of it all and I can see the world from a nice light elegant place where I can view my accomplishments, joys pain and challenges - and from this place, from this point of view it does not appear to be so hard... and I am reminded of my power. But then the forces grab my ankles again and drag me under. Sometimes I wonder if I need anti-depressant drugs again. I never really can tell.
Therapy with Liz Baxter appears to serve only to remind me of the pain thus increasing it by recognizing it and refreshing the ideas behind it. I am almost certain to change therapists for a more future oriented therapy type. This no mans land between Freud and New Age therapy is not good.
Exhausted now as it is very late. I will Twitter the highlights and head to bed.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Karl Denninger talks about Obermann over the top
A great video from karl Denninger regarding the bail out of mortgages.
Friday, July 10, 2009
A great link to some seriously great poetry and poets
A great link to some seriously great poetry and poets
Here is one of my favorites - Amiri Baraka who has been a force in American life and literature for almost fifty years.
Here is one of my favorites - Amiri Baraka who has been a force in American life and literature for almost fifty years.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Open letter to Barbara Boxer conderning the environment
Hi Barbara,
Great to hear from you about the clean energy economy. I think it is wonderful you are pointed in that direction. I am concerned however. Some of the very best technologies that are here now are being suppressed. Corporate domination of energy and the changes that threaten them make it very difficult for revolutionary answers to energy when they threaten change that either is too fast for the corporations or loss of business and/or control of business turns these giants into pretty nasty political and sometimes dangerous adversaries for the little guys with the best ideas. I won't go into too much detail but I think you know what I mean. It is not entirely the fault of the energy companies but rapid change and free energy ideas are very threatening in many ways not only to the status quo organizations but to society in general.
In a time when we need rapid change the most creative people are silenced by government and by industry in power while they scramble to figure out how to keep control of the revenue and power over the consumer/citizens while cleaning up the environment. It is almost an oxymoron. A lot of evil confronts some of the best solutions. Free energy while fighting for funding, support will never be met with open arms by the political and corporate figures who would stand to lose revenue (and taxes) from its appearance on the world stage. I worry that much of what "clean" solutions we push forward that we will always be silencing the voices of those with the most brilliant answers while remaining in the dark ages of very mediocre answers to the most important questions of out time.
There needs to be much more funding for product development and deployment of the most exotic technologies where creativity and the best of human consciousness and science are encouraged when we hear time after time of people being killed silenced or bought off by the very companies that need to clean up environmentally.
Greed and the fear that accompanies potential loss of power and control of economic strangle hold is too great a threat for real progress to be made on the scale that is required to meet the needs required by our dying planet.
This is your dilemma, and I do not envy your position. It is hard to believe that our kids will all be wearing oxygen tanks is a hundred years and to look ahead two, three or four generations is a frightening prospect for our children who we love so much. It is a daunting task. I wonder what goes through your mind particularly when I am rather certain you know the players, the game and the solutions (all of the solutions) as well as anybody. Scientists with answers who have made videos on YouTube say that Al Gore will not even return their letters or calls when they have amazing science to contribute. But their science is SO GOOD that it threatens multinational corporations. Whether this is true, half true or not we know that you can not move an elephant that does not want to walk? We may be dealing with an elephant that does not "have to" walk at a time when we approach a tipping point where our answers will not produce the necessary change and the environment will begin turning on us and Mother Nature will begin her march of revenge on a people who have so very much negleced her.
These new facts presented to us regarding polar ice melt and the fact that global climate change is much more rapid than we knew just a few years ago places before us a mandate for change that is politically and economically impossible without a dictator style rule. These words are very hard for me to write but how on earth can politics and business make changes when casualties with thier ranks will be massive when the going gets tough? Democracy and free enterprise will not fare well under the demands of a rappidly declining environment.
I would be very interested in hearing your candid views regarding these thoughs.
Bill Zimmermann, San Diego
Great to hear from you about the clean energy economy. I think it is wonderful you are pointed in that direction. I am concerned however. Some of the very best technologies that are here now are being suppressed. Corporate domination of energy and the changes that threaten them make it very difficult for revolutionary answers to energy when they threaten change that either is too fast for the corporations or loss of business and/or control of business turns these giants into pretty nasty political and sometimes dangerous adversaries for the little guys with the best ideas. I won't go into too much detail but I think you know what I mean. It is not entirely the fault of the energy companies but rapid change and free energy ideas are very threatening in many ways not only to the status quo organizations but to society in general.
In a time when we need rapid change the most creative people are silenced by government and by industry in power while they scramble to figure out how to keep control of the revenue and power over the consumer/citizens while cleaning up the environment. It is almost an oxymoron. A lot of evil confronts some of the best solutions. Free energy while fighting for funding, support will never be met with open arms by the political and corporate figures who would stand to lose revenue (and taxes) from its appearance on the world stage. I worry that much of what "clean" solutions we push forward that we will always be silencing the voices of those with the most brilliant answers while remaining in the dark ages of very mediocre answers to the most important questions of out time.
There needs to be much more funding for product development and deployment of the most exotic technologies where creativity and the best of human consciousness and science are encouraged when we hear time after time of people being killed silenced or bought off by the very companies that need to clean up environmentally.
Greed and the fear that accompanies potential loss of power and control of economic strangle hold is too great a threat for real progress to be made on the scale that is required to meet the needs required by our dying planet.
This is your dilemma, and I do not envy your position. It is hard to believe that our kids will all be wearing oxygen tanks is a hundred years and to look ahead two, three or four generations is a frightening prospect for our children who we love so much. It is a daunting task. I wonder what goes through your mind particularly when I am rather certain you know the players, the game and the solutions (all of the solutions) as well as anybody. Scientists with answers who have made videos on YouTube say that Al Gore will not even return their letters or calls when they have amazing science to contribute. But their science is SO GOOD that it threatens multinational corporations. Whether this is true, half true or not we know that you can not move an elephant that does not want to walk? We may be dealing with an elephant that does not "have to" walk at a time when we approach a tipping point where our answers will not produce the necessary change and the environment will begin turning on us and Mother Nature will begin her march of revenge on a people who have so very much negleced her.
These new facts presented to us regarding polar ice melt and the fact that global climate change is much more rapid than we knew just a few years ago places before us a mandate for change that is politically and economically impossible without a dictator style rule. These words are very hard for me to write but how on earth can politics and business make changes when casualties with thier ranks will be massive when the going gets tough? Democracy and free enterprise will not fare well under the demands of a rappidly declining environment.
I would be very interested in hearing your candid views regarding these thoughs.
Bill Zimmermann, San Diego
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Reaching potential
I think the most important thing friends can do is encourage one another to do things they might not otherwise do. To be encouraged to push yourself in ways only friends can perceive and who have the bravery to propose for consideration ideas that can help us move past our self-imposed limitations. I think this is the mark of true friendship. I do not have any friends like this. In fact rarely does anyone take enough interest in me to see that I have dreams. This is not self indulgent pity-pot thinking. It is a sad fact. Of course I do not make my self available and quite often I repel people with forbidding flashes of intimidation - I'm sure that does not help much. Fear and abuse mixed with wisdom and experience make for very strange bed fellows. I suppose issues do not always evaporate with therapy meditation or Life Spring retreats. But we still need the input of each other. Especially friends who ponder our perplexing lives, friends who take the time to think through our illusions delusions and denial. Going it alone is hard enough when few if any other person finds you important enough to intently listen to the beat of your drum. I miss having people like this in my life, but I do not know people who are capable of such trust. I have many good friends that I love dearly but they all appear to be selfish with not enough to occupy them or they are overwhelmed by life having few moments to think about anything more than solving daily problems of their own.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Participating in the process
Twitter, Facebook, etc. The increase in the connectivity of large groups of people will be what forms the future. How is marketing theory embracing / using this?
Monday, June 22, 2009
Dale Street gardens today June 21st 2009 Video
It is time to get back to the fun of life. Saving the world and understanding how we can change it for the better is all well and good, but balance must win in the end. Here is a video I did today after my dear friend Cheryl Simon arrived. Much of the garden is still germinating so what you see is aging and established, but new stuff is about to shoot up from the dirt.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
Turning Yourself ON !!! (oh no he didn't !!!)
TURNING YOURSELF BACK ON... RULES FOR STAYING HEALTHY . . .
1.
Learn to accept whatever decision is made. Do your best to keep your peace of mind. Peace is a healer.
2.
Learn from your mistakes and allow others the same right. Don't stand over people, supervising every move. Learn to give others the opportunity to grow and grow up. We are all bound to make mistakes. Let's not gloat over them or live in remorse about them.
3.
Learn to forgive and get on with your life. Many studies have now shown that forgiving enhances health and helps prevent chemical changes in the body that may lead to disease.
4.
Be thankful and bless people. These are two of the main secrets to a health life. Have an attitude of gratitude.
5.
Live in harmony. Be a peacemaker. Stand up for the one not present. Listen for the one not there to hear, see for the one without sight, and give praise and credit to others whenever you are able.
6.
Don't talk about your misfortunes or illnesses. It doesn't do any good for you or the person you tell, and it presents an opportunity for them to do the same to you. Save it for your doctor. He's paid to listen to your troubles.
7.
Don't gossip. Gossip that comes through the grapevine is usually sour grapes. Be the person who speaks for the one who cannot.
8.
Spend at least 10 minutes a day meditating on how you can become a better person. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
9.
Exercise daily. Keep your spine and joints limber, develop your abdominal muscles, expand your lungs with specific exercises on a regular schedule.
10.
Walk 10 minutes barefoot in the dewy grass or sand every day. You'll sleep better.
11.
No smoking or drinking alcohol. Both nicotine and alcohol are depressant drugs. Both require energy to detoxify, energy which is better used for life healing processes.
12.
Go to bed by 9 P.M. when you can. If you are tired during the day, rest more. Rest allows the body to give its full attention and energy to healing and rebuilding tissues. Write down your problems at the end of the day and go over them first thing in the morning when you are refreshed, so you can look at them with a fresh mind and body.
1.
Learn to accept whatever decision is made. Do your best to keep your peace of mind. Peace is a healer.
2.
Learn from your mistakes and allow others the same right. Don't stand over people, supervising every move. Learn to give others the opportunity to grow and grow up. We are all bound to make mistakes. Let's not gloat over them or live in remorse about them.
3.
Learn to forgive and get on with your life. Many studies have now shown that forgiving enhances health and helps prevent chemical changes in the body that may lead to disease.
4.
Be thankful and bless people. These are two of the main secrets to a health life. Have an attitude of gratitude.
5.
Live in harmony. Be a peacemaker. Stand up for the one not present. Listen for the one not there to hear, see for the one without sight, and give praise and credit to others whenever you are able.
6.
Don't talk about your misfortunes or illnesses. It doesn't do any good for you or the person you tell, and it presents an opportunity for them to do the same to you. Save it for your doctor. He's paid to listen to your troubles.
7.
Don't gossip. Gossip that comes through the grapevine is usually sour grapes. Be the person who speaks for the one who cannot.
8.
Spend at least 10 minutes a day meditating on how you can become a better person. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
9.
Exercise daily. Keep your spine and joints limber, develop your abdominal muscles, expand your lungs with specific exercises on a regular schedule.
10.
Walk 10 minutes barefoot in the dewy grass or sand every day. You'll sleep better.
11.
No smoking or drinking alcohol. Both nicotine and alcohol are depressant drugs. Both require energy to detoxify, energy which is better used for life healing processes.
12.
Go to bed by 9 P.M. when you can. If you are tired during the day, rest more. Rest allows the body to give its full attention and energy to healing and rebuilding tissues. Write down your problems at the end of the day and go over them first thing in the morning when you are refreshed, so you can look at them with a fresh mind and body.
TURNING IT ALL OFF !!!
This post is a entry "of contrary." For those of us who work hard must play hard to balance our souls and keep in tune with happiness, enjoyment of life friends and activities. Tuning off the world, people and optional obligations is a right each and every person on this planet has. As we move into new centuries and new cultural nuances as well as radical shifts in culture we must stay in touch with our humanity. The body of humans has not changed at all in thousands of years. Our organs, brain and such have remained the same though now we expose them to all kinds of alien and chemical stresses. So take it easy and work a plan that does not ruin your days.
Questions from a novice ecoist... Re: Plastic
Greetings from San Diego,
I am becoming a novice ecologist. I recycle more than most, drive the Prius car and I am more careful about what I put into the environment in terms of fertilizers, household chemicals and other consumer goods including food. I also compost about 15% of my total household kitchen waste.
I share these facts with you because I am puzzled about plastic. After all paper, glass and some plastics are placed in the recycle bin what appears to go into the trash can (to the land fill) are light weight plastics non recyclable containers made from a combination of paper and plastic and Styrofoam. It appears to be that plastics are a big problem!
In every day terms I was completely unaware of how to keep packaging plastics and mixed plastic-paper containers in the recycling circle of re-use. Some must be disposed of but I am finding a disturbing shortage of information on what the city will take for recycling and what must be transported to specialty recycling plants?
It is not beyond the scope of people to band together to recycle over 90% of all waste.
My greatest concern is the braising ignorance that I personally maintained up until 2009 and how much I still do not know. I am not so much "disturbed" by my own ignorance of what to do with plastics but rather why those who do not care what they do with all of their waste still throw everything in the trash to go to the land fill?
I recently leaned that there is a river of plastic in the Pacific Ocean the size of Texas. As this decomposes it will be consumed by sea creatures greatly impacting the health and reproductive ability of many ocean species. From what I have read these plastics combined with an array of other pollutants, but primarily the plastics could damage the oceans ecosystem permanently much like deforestation is destroying the rain Forrest.
Can you please comment on this and let me know what organizations are working most effectively on research and solutions with regard to this problem in its many aspects?
An additional question I have is why can we not produce all plastics to be bio-degradable and zero-impact? If GM was capable of planning the obsolescence of cars why can we not plan the decay rate of plastic - and make doing so Federal Law?
Thank you.
Bill Zimmermann, San Diego
I am becoming a novice ecologist. I recycle more than most, drive the Prius car and I am more careful about what I put into the environment in terms of fertilizers, household chemicals and other consumer goods including food. I also compost about 15% of my total household kitchen waste.
I share these facts with you because I am puzzled about plastic. After all paper, glass and some plastics are placed in the recycle bin what appears to go into the trash can (to the land fill) are light weight plastics non recyclable containers made from a combination of paper and plastic and Styrofoam. It appears to be that plastics are a big problem!
In every day terms I was completely unaware of how to keep packaging plastics and mixed plastic-paper containers in the recycling circle of re-use. Some must be disposed of but I am finding a disturbing shortage of information on what the city will take for recycling and what must be transported to specialty recycling plants?
It is not beyond the scope of people to band together to recycle over 90% of all waste.
My greatest concern is the braising ignorance that I personally maintained up until 2009 and how much I still do not know. I am not so much "disturbed" by my own ignorance of what to do with plastics but rather why those who do not care what they do with all of their waste still throw everything in the trash to go to the land fill?
I recently leaned that there is a river of plastic in the Pacific Ocean the size of Texas. As this decomposes it will be consumed by sea creatures greatly impacting the health and reproductive ability of many ocean species. From what I have read these plastics combined with an array of other pollutants, but primarily the plastics could damage the oceans ecosystem permanently much like deforestation is destroying the rain Forrest.
Can you please comment on this and let me know what organizations are working most effectively on research and solutions with regard to this problem in its many aspects?
An additional question I have is why can we not produce all plastics to be bio-degradable and zero-impact? If GM was capable of planning the obsolescence of cars why can we not plan the decay rate of plastic - and make doing so Federal Law?
Thank you.
Bill Zimmermann, San Diego
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Open Letter to Congressman Wexler
What about prosecuting Bush and Cheney for lying about 911? Anybody with a brain now (by now) understands that 911 was an inside job, a contrived Pearl Harbor and that the Bush Administration orchestrated. It is not enough to "slap wrists" with impeachment. These men need to go to trial before an international tribunal (or equivalent) along with their corporate backers and political cronies. Fixing the United States and the future of mankind requires more aggressive adherence to ethics and standards than ever before. These men should be in prison along with Madoff and half of Wall Street.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Absorbing the news - releasing the stress
I have learned a lot about our world today. The last few posts are movies that can really set your head back into a time of deep mental depression if you are not careful. The truth certainly annihilated any age of innocence that still existed in my head. But now we turn to brighter thoughts and ideas for the creation of an excellent life experience despite what may happen in the world. In the Seth books Jane Roberts writes that we "create our own reality." Simple words for an industrial concept. It does not seem to matter how many times I read The Nature of Personal Reality the degree to which I have implemented the lessons in the book is close to zero so I should not be surprised that they do not work. As I have grown older I have exchanged raised consciousness for in-the-moment living and a good dose of numbness. I grow tired of the day to day insanity and this frightfully scary world where things keep getting scarier. I really do not want to live in the "America's" any more but the U.S. is still the best place on earth (of the few where citizenship is possible) TO live. Right now I am thinking Hawaii. I just want out. I am not sure if Hawaii is the answer, but to be clear I know it is not, I repeat NOT too small for me to live my life well stimulated and in productive good form. At 53 I do not know if I can start over again. But if I am going to start over it should be soon. Perhaps all this is nonsense and all I need is a good new chair. I sit a lot and I simply love a good orthopedic chair.
I am sure anyone who reads this thinks I am quite a bit more nuts that they thought, but in my defense I have to say the last few videos in this blog were shocking to the degree of mental upset. I can't even think about it any more. It is making me nuts. "This" is how I get when I am scared.
Forgive me all.
I am sure anyone who reads this thinks I am quite a bit more nuts that they thought, but in my defense I have to say the last few videos in this blog were shocking to the degree of mental upset. I can't even think about it any more. It is making me nuts. "This" is how I get when I am scared.
Forgive me all.
An absolute must see movie. ZEITGEIST, The Movie Remastered / Final version
This is probably the single most important documentary that has ever confronted the consciousness of the American people if not the people of the world. Watch it in its entirety and learn who we were, who we are and what might be. I am not saying it is all true, but of the many facts presented some appear to have credence. About 2 hours long. Use "full screen" button for best viewing.
What is the Zeitgeist Movement?
The Zeitgeist Movement is a grass roots campaign to unify the world through a common ideology based on the fundamentals of life and nature. This movement ignores politics, religion and the like, and instead attempts to communicate how all humans are the same at the fundamental level and how it is time we start to work together on a global scale to end the seemingly perpetual conflict and suffering in our current world society.
Now the addendum:
What is the Zeitgeist Movement?
The Zeitgeist Movement is a grass roots campaign to unify the world through a common ideology based on the fundamentals of life and nature. This movement ignores politics, religion and the like, and instead attempts to communicate how all humans are the same at the fundamental level and how it is time we start to work together on a global scale to end the seemingly perpetual conflict and suffering in our current world society.
Now the addendum:
Saturday, June 6, 2009
How similar we are...
While going through my photo album from Aix en Provence I came across a photo that I took from the home I stayed at for the month of July 2006 located in La Ciotat France - the home exchange family. The photo is of their back yard behind the shed just like at my home. Then I looked more closely, virtually everything you see stored here out of doors is exactly the same stuff I have stored behind my home.
What a joy it is to know people can be so similar so far apart. Perhaps our mutual bold stroke to join Intervac.com was kismet or providence moved to create magic?
What a joy it is to know people can be so similar so far apart. Perhaps our mutual bold stroke to join Intervac.com was kismet or providence moved to create magic?
Scribbles and thoughts of drugs and genuine progress...
It is a strange time when depression leaves very little energy for much of anything. When depression speaks it says "There are few real people in this world who understand or wish to understand me. I am alone in my heart and in my mind. I am happiest there with people shut out the quiet preferred over the chatter of people scrambling for words that say something to validate their meaningless existence." This is how great and powerful the disease behind the curtain can be. But in truth, like OZ it is just a little man no different than anybody. So depression is and so it should be treated.
Understanding creation is a big job. Having been blessed with a mind that enjoys ignorance while at the same time works toward more noble pursuits of truth and cosmic reality is clearly unnatural. But I have been dealing with these contrasts since I was 17. Transcendental Meditation, the study of the Seth Material and other spiritual books have brought me to a place where I see enough growth to know how very little I have actually grown. Now I have discovered acupuncture meridians and working with feelings via ETF or "Tapping" / www.tapping.com. Releasing negative emotions forever, a very big claim that is likely too good to be true is my current focus on growth, release of potential addictions and ill feelings allusions and behaviors. But something has to replace big pharma. For they will take your life as quickly as the drug dealer on the corner. Let us not deceive ourselves.
We have an anxiety disorder in this family. It is genetic. It leads to substance abuse in most of us. Some hang on. I did for 25 years. Essentially sober from 27 to 51 years old. I have recently experimented with Xanax to relieve anxiety and emotional pain. It works well but it makes me clumsy and a bit lazy in that I am so relaxed I do not force activity and growth in favor of the relaxed bliss of the enjoyable days without painful worry, real and imaginary threats and emotions.
I know I am just masking the symptoms best dealt with cognitively while not directly confronting them. I have been ensnared in a mentality that pills bring permanent relief when I know full well that strength through awareness is the key. Our prescription drug culture is so very effective and yet falls short of any legitimate healing. So we must summon the strength from within, charge the gates and force our growth, painful though it may be in sobriety. Certainly there will be moments when we make exceptions out of compassion for our selves, but where do we firmly draw that line?
To remain anxiety riddled through very bad times like during a break up or after a death of a friend is foolish. Not to medicate can, at times be as foolish as taking Xanax because you are painfully stricken with boredom.
In there lies the challenge. “Love yourself” they say. Why asks depression: "Why should I love myself when I disapprove of my own behavior? Love is earned at any level. I just walk around in this body numb and feeling like a victim, disenfranchised most the time. Depression I suppose, I am used to it. I do not expect anyone to love me though I am glad when they do but I do not invest in myself or commit to people much anymore. Again depression I suppose. I have never been able to get a quality man to love me “enough” to be comfortable in a relationship. So why should I respect myself more than is necessary to provide the survival comforts and basic needs for myself from now until I pass on. Certainly self-respect is based upon track record. Certainly I must care a sufficient amount not to damage myself. Certainly I must love myself enough not to damage my psyche. But self respect comes from a lifetime of tests and lessons that can be best described as Buddhist Koans found in Zen poems and literature. I respect my thoughts and morals enough. I don’t plot to hurt steal or swindle anybody really. I would not be able to take the guilt if I did. I know that others do not feel the same. I feel good when I help others and I am still learning about what it means to give and to take. But I do not appear to have the ambition or drive to add to my world in remarkable new and interesting ways. Or do I? Inspiration and muse is a luxury for the rich, the indomitably happy and the undamaged zeal of youth. For old gays in their fifties with little money and fading sex appeal we are left to, at best, our imagination and at worst the genetic betrayal that is out legacy." As this diatribe of mind-talk takes possession of your soul it makes a good argument that is as counterproductive as suicide. Depression, like any self deceptive concoction of ideas scrambles to make sense while it takes your time and your life.
Regardless of how depressed, morbid or locked away in emotional storage we become; regardless of the circumstances, habits, morals and internal drive we might have we have got to maintain a high standard of living. No mansion or sports car, can satisfy us like positive thinking, clean good thoughts backed up by sobriety and clean living. A solid understanding of human behavior and self awareness is also useful. This understanding comes about in small epiphanies. They occur often when we vanquish the problems of daily life through the spiritual exercises provided by our dear friend reality. These lessons can not deliver their full effect when we are drugged with psycho-active agents. They do not improve your nervous system brain function or spiritual lives. They do not improve our understanding or enhance general consciousness. Drugs and tranquilizers do not add meaning they prevent feeling. Using them to block trauma temporarily is a difficult decision while we balance growth with psychological protection. Until we can deal with reality and adapt to the unexpected in daily life without drugs we hamper our growth. Hence our energy should be directed at diet and exercise as well as meditation massage, study and a strong effort to remain focused on deliberate diligent work. Drugs slow progress even when they are not abused. Even when they are used judiciously they can curb or abbreviate our life experience. This is particularly evident in the use of opiates and Marijuana. I suppose the bottom line question is: Do you want to rust out or do you want to wear out? The answer to which has many probable futures attached. I suppose that is my first original Koan.
Understanding creation is a big job. Having been blessed with a mind that enjoys ignorance while at the same time works toward more noble pursuits of truth and cosmic reality is clearly unnatural. But I have been dealing with these contrasts since I was 17. Transcendental Meditation, the study of the Seth Material and other spiritual books have brought me to a place where I see enough growth to know how very little I have actually grown. Now I have discovered acupuncture meridians and working with feelings via ETF or "Tapping" / www.tapping.com. Releasing negative emotions forever, a very big claim that is likely too good to be true is my current focus on growth, release of potential addictions and ill feelings allusions and behaviors. But something has to replace big pharma. For they will take your life as quickly as the drug dealer on the corner. Let us not deceive ourselves.
We have an anxiety disorder in this family. It is genetic. It leads to substance abuse in most of us. Some hang on. I did for 25 years. Essentially sober from 27 to 51 years old. I have recently experimented with Xanax to relieve anxiety and emotional pain. It works well but it makes me clumsy and a bit lazy in that I am so relaxed I do not force activity and growth in favor of the relaxed bliss of the enjoyable days without painful worry, real and imaginary threats and emotions.
I know I am just masking the symptoms best dealt with cognitively while not directly confronting them. I have been ensnared in a mentality that pills bring permanent relief when I know full well that strength through awareness is the key. Our prescription drug culture is so very effective and yet falls short of any legitimate healing. So we must summon the strength from within, charge the gates and force our growth, painful though it may be in sobriety. Certainly there will be moments when we make exceptions out of compassion for our selves, but where do we firmly draw that line?
To remain anxiety riddled through very bad times like during a break up or after a death of a friend is foolish. Not to medicate can, at times be as foolish as taking Xanax because you are painfully stricken with boredom.
In there lies the challenge. “Love yourself” they say. Why asks depression: "Why should I love myself when I disapprove of my own behavior? Love is earned at any level. I just walk around in this body numb and feeling like a victim, disenfranchised most the time. Depression I suppose, I am used to it. I do not expect anyone to love me though I am glad when they do but I do not invest in myself or commit to people much anymore. Again depression I suppose. I have never been able to get a quality man to love me “enough” to be comfortable in a relationship. So why should I respect myself more than is necessary to provide the survival comforts and basic needs for myself from now until I pass on. Certainly self-respect is based upon track record. Certainly I must care a sufficient amount not to damage myself. Certainly I must love myself enough not to damage my psyche. But self respect comes from a lifetime of tests and lessons that can be best described as Buddhist Koans found in Zen poems and literature. I respect my thoughts and morals enough. I don’t plot to hurt steal or swindle anybody really. I would not be able to take the guilt if I did. I know that others do not feel the same. I feel good when I help others and I am still learning about what it means to give and to take. But I do not appear to have the ambition or drive to add to my world in remarkable new and interesting ways. Or do I? Inspiration and muse is a luxury for the rich, the indomitably happy and the undamaged zeal of youth. For old gays in their fifties with little money and fading sex appeal we are left to, at best, our imagination and at worst the genetic betrayal that is out legacy." As this diatribe of mind-talk takes possession of your soul it makes a good argument that is as counterproductive as suicide. Depression, like any self deceptive concoction of ideas scrambles to make sense while it takes your time and your life.
Regardless of how depressed, morbid or locked away in emotional storage we become; regardless of the circumstances, habits, morals and internal drive we might have we have got to maintain a high standard of living. No mansion or sports car, can satisfy us like positive thinking, clean good thoughts backed up by sobriety and clean living. A solid understanding of human behavior and self awareness is also useful. This understanding comes about in small epiphanies. They occur often when we vanquish the problems of daily life through the spiritual exercises provided by our dear friend reality. These lessons can not deliver their full effect when we are drugged with psycho-active agents. They do not improve your nervous system brain function or spiritual lives. They do not improve our understanding or enhance general consciousness. Drugs and tranquilizers do not add meaning they prevent feeling. Using them to block trauma temporarily is a difficult decision while we balance growth with psychological protection. Until we can deal with reality and adapt to the unexpected in daily life without drugs we hamper our growth. Hence our energy should be directed at diet and exercise as well as meditation massage, study and a strong effort to remain focused on deliberate diligent work. Drugs slow progress even when they are not abused. Even when they are used judiciously they can curb or abbreviate our life experience. This is particularly evident in the use of opiates and Marijuana. I suppose the bottom line question is: Do you want to rust out or do you want to wear out? The answer to which has many probable futures attached. I suppose that is my first original Koan.